where did my motivation go???

My whole motivation has seriously just gone down the drain. I feel like I KNOW WHAT I WANT (To lose at least 20 pounds) and I know what deadline I want it by (October, which is in, we'll say 4 months). In my opinion, this is doable. If you lose say 1 pound a week, then you can have your goal pretty much! I just need to STICK TO MY GOAL! I have one week of good motivation of eating and exercise, but then the next few days there is no exercise, crappy eating, and then feeling gross and honestly fat. I hate feeling like this, and honestly, i'm just gonna say it: Sometimes, I really hate my body. Other days I feel like it doesn't matter, but today's not one of those days. I just get really lazy, but don't really care about it. Blegh. I am really excited about Leakey, but then I feel like i'm gonna feel self conscious about what I wear and eat and everything. It'll be fine, but sometimes I just worry if I will ever really achieve this dream of having a truly healthy and beautiful (in my mind) body. Right now I weigh 120, and that's pretty much what i've always been. Sometimes it was down to 112 or so like in middle school, but even then I was chubby. I really want to make my goal of weight at or below 100 pounds. That might sounds tiny, but when you're 4'10" it's good. I want to be able to buy those super adorable clothes and dresses and have someone say i'm attractive. It sounds silly, but no one's ever said that before, and I hardly ever feel that way. COME ON, JANE- YOU CAN DO IT!!