I had such an amazing dream last night. I've been thinking about it all day, and I just can't get it out of my mind, because I don't want to.
I was in love.
Someone was in love with me.
And it was wonderful.
My mind picked a pretty random person for me to be in love with (it was the guy who plays Finn on Glee. I have NO idea where that came from, but it was actually really nice.) The dream was just me and him (for some reason, his name was Evan) spending time together at my house in Austin, meeting my parents, then hanging out together downtown. But what I loved about the dream was just the feelings I had. Someone loved me. Someone cared for me, thought I was beautiful, and didn't care that I'd never had a boyfriend before. That as also kind of a theme in the dream too. If we'd kiss, sometimes I'd be like, "Sorry, I don't even know if I'm any good at this!" and it was kind of silly. And when he met my parents (we were in the kitchen) I just ran into his arms and we just hugged for so long while we talked. I know how silly this all sounds, but seriously... I hate that it was just a dream. I felt so happy. So loved. Protected, cherished, cared for, special- you name it! I just remember I kept thinking, "Why me? Out of all the people in the world, you love and care for me?"
It was all just so romantic. (And no, in case anyone's wondering, this wasn't THAT kind of dream, if you know what I'm saying. I don't go that way in my subconscious.) My favorite part was when I was introducing him to my parents, and I just was so content to be held so close when we hugged. He just thought I was so endearing and lovable, and no one's ever acted that way before. I just felt so special. So complete. Like this is what I've been waiting for my whole life. That I'd never be alone again. That there would always be someone there for me, and I for him.
I literally cannot imagine this ever being real. It honestly would seem so weird! Like, I'm kidding you not, I cannot imagine myself getting ready to go on a date and sitting at a table with a guy just getting to know each other, or even kissing and holding hands and stuff, because it has never happened before! I kept thinking about this dream all day because of how much I wish it had been real. I felt so happy and content, and this was a feeling I had never had before in my whole life. I just wish it could come true someday. After all,
A dream is a wish your heart makes.
I've never believed in that so much as I do now. After all these years, this is still what I want.
I hated waking up. My alarm went off, and I just felt heartbroken. It had all been a dream... nothing more. I wanted so badly to just go back to sleep and drift back into that perfect world, but I knew it couldn't happen. All I have is that memory and feeling to hold on to.
As I was getting ready for the day, all I could think about was, "How can I make this happen? Hoe can I make this real?" I literally have no idea. How do people do it? Find love? I know this is all so silly, I just want to have those feelings for real. This wasn't about getting married and having kids and stuff, it was just about the simplicity of being loved and adored. I think I have so much to give, and I just pray that someday this dream will become a reality.
I've realized this kinda just reminds me of some Disney stuff (surprise, surprise)
1. Sleeping Beauty's dream prince (1:36-2:30)
2. The whole 'A Dream Is A Wish' thing
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